First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
