There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
