you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
