If i come over, it means nothing
Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
