when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
