booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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