Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
