I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
