If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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