remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
COCAINE IS GR8
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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