I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
