airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
