I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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