apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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