Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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