i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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