Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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