Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
