everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Randomize
