My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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