we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
