If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
