i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
These tits shall not be calmed
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
