If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
