this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
