i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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