So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
