Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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