got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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