It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
