Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
