At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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