Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
