So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
