its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize