we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
