Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize