It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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