I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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