I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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