i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
