Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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