: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
