i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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