I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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