stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
