did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
