I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
