my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
