i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
