i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize