The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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