waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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