I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize