Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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