I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
