Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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