if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
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