UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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