Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
