That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
