Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
