apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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