i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
