So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
