If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
