i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
