Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
