i don't plan on having that self control this summer
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
