first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Your cock deserves a montage
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
