You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
