you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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