im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Randomize
