sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
