My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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