But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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